San Diego is just awful — there’s too much ‪sunshine‬, hipsters drinking freshly brewed ‪craft beer‬, and we put fries INSIDE our burritos? Seriously?

In case you didn’t cotton on to my blatant snark….I’m kidding. In 2016, I wrote a totally facetious article about the reasons you’ll “hate” San Diego for a (now-defunct) travel booking website, and the thing went viral. I must admit, I was pretty stoked to see so many people sharing and loving it, and had a good laugh at the uppity uppersons who either a) didn’t understand my tongue-in-cheek, or b) felt that San Diego really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and wanted to let me know why.

In any case, behold, my reasons San Diego is hell on Earth:

You need sunscreen like, every day

San Diego weather sucks. There’s just so. much. sunshine.

There are a zillion craft breweries (actually 100+)

Try San Diego's craft breweries

Bud Light is far superior to our hipster coffee-infused beer. That you can drink on an outdoor patio. In the sunshine. In January.

You can get a tan at the beach 350 days of the year

It’s probably drizzling on the other 15 days.

Vegas is a weekend trip for us

It’s just a 5-hour drive or a 50-minute plane ride from San Diego Airport. Go ahead, hate us.

The streets are lined with palm trees

What is this, a movie set? (I mean, it might also be!)

We have our own mini-island called Coronado

Visit Coronado Island beaches in San Diego

As if we need MORE reasons to qualify as paradise.

The Mexican food is real

Fresh tortillas, margaritas, and locally-sourced guacamole are so overrated.

We put carne asada on fries

And fries in our BURRITOS. Blasphemy.

You can actually visit the beach, mountains, and desert in the same day

You’re never more than 2 hours away from any of these regions in San Diego. Over-achievers.

Kayaking, standup paddleboarding, and surfing are considered daily exercise

Things to do in San Diego, kayaking, paddle boarding, etc.

Why get fresh air when you can breathe in your treadmill neighbor’s farts at the gym?

The plethora of ocean-view hiking trails can be so steep

If we wanted a panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean, we’d just download a 4k screensaver.

San Diego is home to Comic-Con

Because there weren’t enough things to do in San Diego!

Flip-flops (or bare feet) are the preferred form of footwear

Ugh, feet. Feet everywhere!

A sunset hot air balloon ride is a perfectly acceptable first date

Take to the sky in a Hot Air Balloon ride.

Thanks a lot for setting the bar three miles too high, San Diego men.

You can get close to wild whales

But why not just watch that on the Discovery Channel?

There are so many restaurants, you can hardly choose what to eat or where to go

Life was so much simpler when the choice was Denny’s or McDonald’s.

The original Legoland is here

And it’s near the beach, and everything about those things is terrible. (Also, Disneyland is only 50-90 minutes away.)

There’s a place called Sunset Cliffs, which is literally a front row seat to the sun setting over the freaking ocean

Visit Sunset Cliffs for breathtaking views.

Final proof that San Diego is the worst place on Earth and everyone who lives there is the devil.