San Diego is just awful — there’s too much sunshine, hipsters drinking freshly brewed craft beer, and we put fries INSIDE our burritos? Seriously?
In case you didn’t cotton on to my blatant snark….I’m kidding. In 2016, I wrote a totally facetious article about the reasons you’ll “hate” San Diego for a (now-defunct) travel booking website, and the thing went viral. I must admit, I was pretty stoked to see so many people sharing and loving it, and had a good laugh at the uppity uppersons who either a) didn’t understand my tongue-in-cheek, or b) felt that San Diego really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and wanted to let me know why.
In any case, behold, my reasons San Diego is hell on Earth:
You need sunscreen like, every day
San Diego weather sucks. There’s just so. much. sunshine.
There are a zillion craft breweries (actually 100+)
Bud Light is far superior to our hipster coffee-infused beer. That you can drink on an outdoor patio. In the sunshine. In January.
You can get a tan at the beach 350 days of the year
It’s probably drizzling on the other 15 days.
Vegas is a weekend trip for us
It’s just a 5-hour drive or a 50-minute plane ride from San Diego Airport. Go ahead, hate us.
The streets are lined with palm trees
What is this, a movie set? (I mean, it might also be!)
We have our own mini-island called Coronado
As if we need MORE reasons to qualify as paradise.
The Mexican food is real
Fresh tortillas, margaritas, and locally-sourced guacamole are so overrated.
We put carne asada on fries
And fries in our BURRITOS. Blasphemy.
You can actually visit the beach, mountains, and desert in the same day
You’re never more than 2 hours away from any of these regions in San Diego. Over-achievers.
Kayaking, standup paddleboarding, and surfing are considered daily exercise
Why get fresh air when you can breathe in your treadmill neighbor’s farts at the gym?
The plethora of ocean-view hiking trails can be so steep
If we wanted a panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean, we’d just download a 4k screensaver.
San Diego is home to Comic-Con
Because there weren’t enough things to do in San Diego!
Flip-flops (or bare feet) are the preferred form of footwear
Ugh, feet. Feet everywhere!
A sunset hot air balloon ride is a perfectly acceptable first date
Thanks a lot for setting the bar three miles too high, San Diego men.
You can get close to wild whales
But why not just watch that on the Discovery Channel?
There are so many restaurants, you can hardly choose what to eat or where to go
Life was so much simpler when the choice was Denny’s or McDonald’s.
The original Legoland is here
And it’s near the beach, and everything about those things is terrible. (Also, Disneyland is only 50-90 minutes away.)
There’s a place called Sunset Cliffs, which is literally a front row seat to the sun setting over the freaking ocean
Final proof that San Diego is the worst place on Earth and everyone who lives there is the devil.